Snowball Fights
by TailsDoll13
Summary: In which a sleepy grumpy boy is dragged out of bed, and realizing that maybe it's better to be out of bed than in it. (One-shot. Humanstuck. KatNep. Prompt request on Tumblr.)


_**11-"Don't you dare throw that snowba-GODDAMMIT!"**_

**Quick background:**

**The Dolorosa started an orphan's home when she was younger and she ending up adopting the Signless when no one took him bc he was albino. She took in Porrim and Kanaya years later, a little after Karkat was born. Karkat's mom died after that, so the Signless moved back in with his mother. He and the Disciple started a relationship, but the Signless was in a crash when Karkat was five. The Dolorosa took control of Kankri and Karkat after that. That's why Kanaya and Porrim are Karkat's aunts in this, even though Kanaya is Karkat's age.**

* * *

All that Karkat wanted was a peaceful sleep. A nice, peaceful sleep, undisturbed by ranting brothers, fashion-oriented aunts and grandmothers, mobster uncles, and noisy friends.

Unfortunately, he didn't get his wish.

"Karkat! Karkat, wake up!"

"Mmph…Fuck off…"

"Karkat, get up."

Someone yanked the covers off of Karkat, and a bright light hit him in the face. He screeched and fell off of his bed.

His eyesight swam as two blurry shapes towered over him, and when it returned he saw who the shapes were: John and Dave. Both were dressed in jackets and scarves. John had earmuffs on as well.

Karkat groaned. "What are you two asshats doing here?"

John pouted. "Jeez, Karkat, is that how you greet your friends? Maybe we should just leave you here instead."

"Yes, please do. I would very much like to go back to sleep." Karkat sat up, rubbing his head.

Dave crossed his arms. "No can do."

"How did you even get in here?"

"Kanaya let us in."

Karkat facepalmed. "Figures."

John crouched down. "C'mon, dude! Everyone's outside. It's snowing."

"No way. I _hate_ the cold."

"You say the same thing about the heat."

"Exactly! I hate both of them!" Karkat stood up and flipped both of the other boys off. "Now, fuck off."

"Mmm…" John and Dave looked at each other, before shaking their heads. "Nah."

"Fuck you!"

"Jade's taken care of that."

John smacked Dave on the shoulder. "Jesus, dude, have you no shame?"

"Yes, David, I didn't ask about what you and your girlfriend get into behind closed doors, just as how you wouldn't ask what me and mine get into."

"Why, is it too kinky?"

Karkat spluttered. "Strider!" He was sure that his face was beet red.

John groaned and ran his hands down his face. "Oh my god. We just came in to get Karkat out of bed, and now we're getting into sex lives?"

"Sex lives?"

The three boys squawked as the door opened to reveal a girl in a long jade winter dress, with a matching hijab.

"Kanaya! They've cornered me in here!" Karkat yelped.

Kanaya tutted, putting her hands on her hips. "I sent them to drag you out of here. Now I know why it was taking them so long. You boys just have to get competitive about who gets laid more, don't you?"

"I don't even like sex," John muttered.

"We are well aware of that. Now, everyone is waiting outside. Karkat, get dressed. The snow forts should be ready soon."

Karkat flopped back on the floor, moaning. "Whose idea was this, anyway? It's below fucking freezing out there!"

"Nepeta's."

"…I have to go out there now, don't I."

"Can't disappoint your girl, that's up there in the Twelve Signs of Douchebaggery, right next to being a fuckboy."

Karkat ran his hands through his hair. "I'm getting up."

"Good. Your hat, scarf, boots, and coat are in the closet downstairs. Porrim reattached the sleeve earlier."

"Where are she and Kankri?"

"Meenah invited them to a party down at her house."

"Dirk and Roxy went up there too," Dave added. "Feferi already came down here."

"Now, get up!" John yanked Karkat up by his arm, causing him to shout. "We can't get the fight started without you!"

"Fuck, fine!

* * *

As Karkat had predicted, the air outside was indeed freezing. Kanaya readjusted her hijab, as a blonde girl in purple walked up to her and wrapped her arm around her waist.

"Hello, Kanaya. It appears that you have managed to get your nephew out of bed."

"It was a tough battle. I'm surprised that we made it out alive." Kanaya kissed Rose on the cheek.

"I hate you all," Karkat grumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets in an attempt to keep them warm.

Dave glanced up and down the yard. "Huh, I don't see anyone. I thought they were building out here." He squinted at the trees. "Is it just me, or does that tree have something red stuck to it?"

"SUCK MY DICK!"

Everyone shouted and scrambled for cover as the red thing moved and a snowball sailed out from nowhere. John knocked Karkat back into the wall.

"FUCKING-EGBERT!"

"Sorry, I-Who was that?!"

"Woohoo!" A girl shouted, pumping her fist up in the air. Her long scarlet hair swayed as she performed an impromptu victory dance.

"Aradia?" Rose asked, picking herself up off of Kanaya.

"You know it!" Aradia cheered, her dark skin contrasting against her bright red coat. She whooped again and shouted something in Japanese that Karkat didn't want translated.

"They're out there," John whispered, squinting into the trees. "I can feel it in my prankster."

"John, I'm pretty sure-ARGH!"

More snowballs flew from the trees, and laughter followed. "Come find me, David!" a cheery voice mocked.

"Oh, hell no." Dave dropped to the ground and started rolling up the snow. "Y'all gotta fend for yourselves, this Strider has a girl to find."

"Dave, you're going to get hit by everyone else-"

But Dave ran off into the trees. Loud shouting followed.

Rose sighed. "He never listens."

"Well, do as the Romans do." John scooped wayward snow off of the porch and started patting it together. "It's us against the rest of our friends."

"I hate this," Karkat grumbled, but he started to scoop up snow as well. Rose placed a snowball in Kanaya's hands.

"Are we ready?" John asked a few minutes later. The whooping had died down from the forest.

"No."

"Great! Let's go!" John leapt off the porch and into the snow. Rose rolled her eyes, but smirked as she followed. Kanaya picked up her skirt and hurried after them. Karkat sighed and jogged to catch up with them, knowing that he would regret this.

The attack was sudden. One moment it was quiet, and the next snowballs were flying everywhere. Karkat ducked and swerved to avoid them. He ended up stumbling back against a tree, where he got a nice view of what was happening.

Aradia and Terezi were giving Dave no mercy, taunting him as he ducked and rolled in the snow. Eridan and Sollux were throwing snowballs at each other, while Feferi built a fort with Jade. Rose and Kanaya were trying to avoid an onslaught from Vriska and Equius. John was chasing Tavros into the woods, but he was being followed by Gamzee. Nepeta was nowhere to be found. Karkat was relieved, until the snow crunched in front of him. He gulped and looked up.

Nepeta giggled and waved at him. She was bundled up in a green and blue coat, with her ever-present cat hat. "Hi, Karkitty! You've joined the purrty, it seems!" She held up her hands, which held two snowballs.

"Oh my god, Nepeta. You better not do what I think you're gonna do.l

"It is a snowball fight, you know," she tsked. "What would be the point?"

"Nepeta, don't you dare throw that snowba-"

Nepeta wound up her arm and slammed the first snowball into Karkat's shoulder.

He yelled. "GODDAMMIT!"

"Oops!" Nepeta laughed as she ran off, blowing a kiss sarcastically behind her. Karkat shook his fist after her, growling, before giving chase.

He soon lost sight of her in the trees, and the noise of the fight had nearly faded behind him. Karkat slowed to a stop, panting.

That was a mistake.

Snowballs started sailing from the trees up ahead, and Karkat screeched and practically did a gymnastics routine to avoid them all. As it was, quite a few hit him. Damn, his girlfriend had good aim.

"Not sorry!" a voice yelled from where the snowballs had come from.

"Fucking hell, Nepeta! You nearly killed me!" An idea started to form in Karkat's head, and he smiled to himself. "I'm going back to the others."

"Come on, be a good sport!"

Karkat brushed himself off and stomped away on the snow, until he was certain he was out of sight behind the nearby tree. He ducked behind them, and started scooping snow up into snowballs.

A few minutes passed, until footsteps crunched in the clearing. "Karkitty? Karkat, are you there?"

Karkat scooped up his snowballs and ran out past the tree, screaming. He started throwing his snowballs as hard as he could.

Nepeta whirled around and started jumping and spinning to avoid the snowballs. She even backflipped over a few. Years of gymnastics training had obviously prepared her well for this.

Finally, Karkat had one snowball left. Nepeta was performing a handstand, having stopped herself from flipping into a tree.

"Are you done?" she asked. "The snow is cold, and I would like to come down."

_WHUMP!_

Karkat's last snowball sailed into Nepeta's leg, and she shrieked and tumbled over. She laid there on the snow, staring up into the sky and panting.

Karkat walked over to her. "Now I'm done."

Nepeta wheezed and pushed herself up. "Holy shit, I had no idea that you could do that."

"I had no idea that you could perform a freaking gymnastics routine to get past all those snowballs."

"I'm a purrfessional. It's in the job purrscription."

Karkat smirked and held a hand out to her. "Do you need help?"

"Nah, but I'll take it anyways." Nepeta grabbed his hand and used it to pull herself up. He stumbled back, and she grinned and wrapped her arms around him. Karkat sighed, but hugged her back.

After a while, Nepeta looked up at him. "Do the others know where we are?"

Something thudded in the distance, and a voice with a lisp shouted. "I don't think so," Karkat replied.

"Hmm." Nepeta bit her lip. "I still have some snowballs back there. Should we the them by surpurrise?"

Karkat shrugged. "Whatever you say."

Nepeta saluted. "Aye aye, Captain Karkitty!" She scrambled back into the trees, returning soon with a pile of snowballs. Karkat gently took some from her. "Shall we?" he asked.

"We shall! C'mon!" Nepeta started running back to the others, and Karkat followed.

Soon, they had returned. The fight was still going on, and the couple ran screaming into the fray. Everyone shouted and tried to retaliate, but they were too surprised to really fight back.

Finally, Nepeta and Karkat were out of snowballs, and they panted as they stared at everyone else. Dave started applauding.

"Great job. You got it on and successfully took us by surprise." Jade elbowed him.

"Not exactly. We had a fight of our own," Karkat clarified.

"I bet," Sollux snickered.

"Fuck off, Captor!"

"Well, I believe that this fight is over," Kanaya decided, helping Rose up from the snow. "We should go in. My mother promised us hot chocolate and cookies, and I hate to disappoint."

"Sweet, bro! Let's go and get our winter treats on!" Gamzee drawled, already walking back to himself.

"Gamzee, wait!" Tavros jogged after him. "You can't eat all the cookies again! Remember last time…"

He was drowned out by the chatter of voices around him. Aradia leapt onto Equius's back, and he jerked in surprise before realizing who it was. Feferi took Eridan's hand and started scolding him for fighting with Sollux, while Terezi laughed with Sollux about the fight. Vriska joined them. John walked with Dave, Jade, Rose, and Kanaya. Karkat and Nepeta brought up the rear of the group, holding hands.

"That was fun!" Nepeta grinned, yanking off her hat. Curly dark brown hair bounced out, swirling around her head.

"If you ignored how cold it was," Karkat pointed out.

"Karkitty!" Nepeta swatted him in mock anger, and he laughed. "It was! You're just too grumpy to admit it."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No way."

"Yes way."

"No way."

"Yes way."

"No-"

Nepeta jumped up and wrapped her legs and arms around him, so that she was on eye-level with him. Karkat stumbled back at the sudden weight, but somehow managed to stay upright.

"Yes. Way." she huffed.

"Fine, it was fun. If you weren't there, it wouldn't have been as fun."

Nepeta blushed, but she nodded her head in approval. "Of course. I make everything better."

"Don't get ahead of yourself here."

She giggled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Karkat returned the favor, except on the lips.

It was still cold outside, but Karkat could tolerate it for now.

* * *

**Hello! I'm TailsDoll13, but you can call me Taylor.**

**If my username is familiar, it's because I wrote and read a lot of stuff in this area of fanfiction before. I mostly write Percy Jackson now, but I do hope to write more here!**

**This will also be going up on my AO3, Gamzee_Makaraoni!**

**My Tumblr URL is autisticwillsolace, by the way. I post Homestuck, PJO, Steven Universe, feminism, Over the Garden Wall, Ninjago, and many other things. Feel free to check it out!**

**Farewell for now!**

**-DSF**


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